Do you feel stuck in your life?
Do you crave change but don’t know how to get it?
Do you even know what it is you really want?
I think sometimes as mothers we tend to forget about our own needs. Our lives are revolved around taking care of others all day long to the point of exhaustion that we actually never have the time to think about what it is that we want for ourselves. We tend to think in terms of our kids or our spouse – what do they like and what do they want? What do they need?
We go through our lives living on autopilot when our kids are young and we don’t even realize that we aren’t thinking about our own needs. And we wake up feeling stressed out, resentful and exhausted.
I was there! There was a period of almost 2 years where I just felt stuck and I didn’t know what to do about it. I started getting depressed, I started feeling really confused about my career, my relationships were suffering, I wasn’t having fun anymore. I didn’t like the person I was becoming.
I had this great career. I had two healthy kids and a supportive husband. I had great friends and family. I had everything to be grateful for but I couldn’t manage to feel grateful, no matter how hard I tried. I didn’t even realize at the time that it had anything to do with me not knowing what I wanted for myself.
I wasn’t taking the time to eat right. I wasn’t exercising in a way that revived me. I wasn’t taking the time for self care routines. I wasn’t filling my own bucket. I was waking up in a rush trying to get the kids out the door and myself to work. It was lunch time before I realized I forgot to eat breakfast. Coffee was my best friend. It was the first thing I looked for when I stumbled out of bed and then it was my afternoon pick me up. When I got home after an intense day at work, I had to make dinner, do homework, get the kids bathed and then there was bedtime routines. And there was of course, wine too. That was my routine for years and over time, it started affecting my health – not only physically, but mentally and spiritually too.
I became this angry mom – I was yelling at my kids and I couldn’t even control it sometimes. I was lashing out at my husband because I had too much on my plate and I was completely overwhelmed. I thought that there was something wrong with me. I compared myself to other mothers that seemed to have it all together. They seemed so patient, they were working full time and still had time to go to the gym – what? They always had their nails done, were dressed nice all the time and still had time to do crafts with their kids – what? So, naturally, I blamed myself for everything and I felt guilty all the time.
I’m here to tell you mama, it’s okay. There is nothing wrong with you. Breathe. Yes, take a deep breath right now. Doesn’t that feel good?! Just to take a soul soothing deep breath in and a long sigh of an exhale letting all of that stress go. You just did something – for you! And it felt amazing, right?
So, how do you get out of that rut you are stuck in? There are a few things you can do.
First, get clear on what it is you really want – for you. This might be a process. You might not know what that is and chances are, as a mother, you might not give yourself permission to want it. But ask yourself: What do YOU want? I guarantee most of you will have automatically thought, I want to be a better mother. I think no matter who we are, we will always want to strive to be better mothers. But in order to be the best mother we can be, we need to know who we are and what our own needs, wants, goals and dreams are too.
Second, what are the things you can do to fill your own bucket? Maybe it’s going for a walk in nature without screaming kids tugging on your leg. Maybe it’s taking a bath or shower without any interruptions. Maybe it’s going out for dinner with a friend, reading a book or watching a chick flick. What do you love to do? What lights you up? What makes you feel really good? Find out what those things are. If you can even take 20 minutes out of your day to do something that feels really good for you, it can make an amazing difference.
Third, no more skipping breakfast or living on coffee. You have to start taking control of your health and the first thing you can do is to start eating well. How can you feel good if you aren’t eating good? Get those energizing green smoothies in your diet, swap that afternoon coffee with a herbal tea, get up 10 minutes earlier and eat a good breakfast. Drink water!! You get the idea.
Fourth, stop comparing yourself to other mothers. With the constant bombarding of social media, it looks as if everyone has a perfect life. No one posts pictures of their kids fighting or that frozen pizza going in the oven because they just don’t feel like cooking. No one posts pictures of the stacks of laundry piling up, the dishes in the sink or the homework that didn’t get done. No one has it all together all the time.
Fifth, ask for help! I know that most of us are amazing at multi-tasking and we deserve way more credit then we ever give ourselves, but there is nothing wrong with asking for help. If you want 20 minutes in the bath without kids barging in, ask your husband to help you out. If you want to have a date night with your spouse because it’s been a year since you’ve gone out but don’t have a babysitter, ask a friend. People love helping people. All you have to do is ask.
And finally, know that you are worth it. If you feel stuck in your life, the only person that has the power to change that is you. Know that you deserve to take a “time-out” to care for yourself and to get to know yourself. You will be a better mother, a better wife, a better friend, a better co-worker, and a better person overall.
If you just don’t know where to start, feel completely overwhelmed, or keep questioning what you really want, let’s set up a clarity session to get you living a life you love! Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.