“The quality of your life is in direct proportion to the quality of your relationships.”
― Anthony Robbins
Relationships can get messy. It seems they are never really simple. Whether it’s with a co-worker, friend, spouse, parent, child – relationships are the very essence of our lives and yet, when one relationship is flourishing, another can be completely knocking you down.
I’ve recently been going through some relationship messes of my own and it’s been making me question my values and who I am. The old me would have stuck with the thought of “something must be wrong with me” or “I’m not enough” anytime a relationship would suffer.
But as I continue to work on myself, I get more in touch with who I really am and the I’m not enough speech doesn’t work for me anymore. Even though sometimes it’s easy to go there, I don’t want to put myself down or be in any kind of relationship that doesn’t align with the person I want to become.
I know I’m a nice person that gets taken advantage of sometimes. I’m super sensitive which doesn’t help matters but it’s also what makes me so compassionate. I’m constantly trying to evolve and grow and sometimes that makes me selfish because I’m focused on my own path. I’m an introvert so I’m not always the social, lets get out of the house kind of person. I can admit these things without shame. It’s part of who I am.
The great thing about relationships is that they make us feel connected. A good relationship can help us be more productive, feel more fulfilled, feel happy and improve our health. But relationships are almost like a living thing. They need attention, energy and time. A relationship also needs to be built on trust, communication and respect to be healthy.
Sometimes in a relationship, we have the choice to continue to battle or we can choose to let it go. We also have the choice to give up the fight when it’s really not worth it in order to keep a relationship that is good for us. So how do you know when it’s time to move on? Or time to put down the swords?
Well here are some questions you can ask yourself:
Does being in the relationship improve you? Is it helping you become the person you want to be? Is it adding value to your life? Does that person support you and want to see you grow? Is the relationship built on trust and respect? Are you willing to put time, effort and energy into the relationship?
Or does the relationship add toxicity to your life? Is it mentally, emotionally or physically draining all the time? Does it harm you? Is it full of criticism and lack of respect? Are you fighting constantly? Do you have to “play small” in order to keep the relationship? Do you dread putting effort into the relationship?
No two people are ever going to see eye to eye on all issues. There will always be turbulence in any relationship, but knowing if the relationship is a healthy one may help you realize that fighting is not worth it or its time to move on. Sometimes we outgrow people. Sometimes when we try to better ourselves the people around us want to hold us down. Sometimes we get into a relationship to fill a void or fulfill selfish reasons. Sometimes our anger or hurt can mask how much we really care about that person. Sometimes boundaries just need to be set or seeing a situation from their perspective may help us become more aware.
I know relationships are never black and white but I think with a lot of self reflection and putting feelings aside, we instinctively know whether or not we should be staying in any kind of relationship.